Like many others, I haven't been on this site in a long time.  It's interesting to see friends' recent updates.  It lets me feel appreciative of the changes that have taken place in my life since my last entry.

I honestly missed writing.  I strongly believe that writing helped me reflect on the Word.  Writing was a significant factor in strengthening my faith.

Facebook is a very different atmosphere.

Thank You, Jesus for this evening with good friends.  You give me so much, when I offer You so little.  I give You this prayer and this day for Your Glory.  All I ask is to help me love You more.  You receive me without a second thought.  I want to receive everything of You without doubts or worries.

i think "fairness" is a man-made concept.  Jesus wasn't treated fairly when He was sentenced to death on the cross.  He didn't dwell on the fact that it wasn't fair... He accepted it... because His main concern was saving us.

when life doesn't seem "fair,"  do we dwell on the circumstances?  do we learn to accept our situations and focus on the real purpose of living?

I was reading through today's readings this morning, and i just didn't get it.  "How do these readings relate to each other?!?!"

Luke 7:11-17
Jesus journeyed to a city called Nain,
and his disciples and a large crowd accompanied him.
As he drew near to the gate of the city,
a man who had died was being carried out,
the only son of his mother, and she was a widow.
A large crowd from the city was with her.
When the Lord saw her,
he was moved with pity for her and said to her,
"Do not weep."
He stepped forward and touched the coffin;
at this the bearers halted,
and he said. "Young man, I tell you, arise!"
The dead man sat up and began to speak,
and Jesus gave him to his mother.
Fear seized them all, and they glorified God, exclaiming,
"A great prophet has arisen in our midst,"
and "God has visited his people."
This report about him spread through the whole of Judea
and in all the surrounding region.

By putting myself in the place of each character in this Gospel reading, I realized who we are in the Body of Christ and somewhat understand the dynamics of each calling.

The Mother:  We find ourelves hopeless and mourning at times just as the mother did.  The Lord always extends His compassion and addresses our concerns.  He may bring us a sense of joy in ways that we wouldn't expect, but we can never know who He will send or how He heals us until such things are revealed.  When we're in pain, God is always calling someone to help ease it, or to offer us comfort.

Jesus:  Everyday, we go about our business, walking past people who are "dead" in a sense.  We pass by people who don't know what they're living for; people who live for things that are destructive; people that don't appreciate their lives; people without a sense of purpose.  Jesus wants us to be more like Him in the sense of comforting those who are sad and mourning.  He wants us to wake up those who are "dead," and give them direction and purpose.  Of course our Lord wants us to bring people closer to Him.

The Son: I look back and remember the when I was very much "dead" inside.  I didn't know what it meant to be alive, nor did I know what I was living for.  I didn't know God, so I didn't know Love.  One weekend, the grace of God renewed my faith in Him and gradually opened my eyes to this new life.  The Lord didn't change my life, by just saying "Chris, live a new life."  No, He worked through others to bring me there/here.  He used a ministry of people that He called to go out and tell people of His love- a Love that will give them a new life.  He worked through others to show me how to truly alive.  He blessed me with a group of people to follow, and grow with.  The Lord can also use the truth of our lives, our transition from death to life, to display His goodness and give those around us a reason to glorify Him and see How good and amazing the Lord is.

The Extras:  Even the bearers and the others attending the service represent how members of the Body of Christ should function.  As witnesses of God's Word, and His work in our lives, we are called to spread the Word, and tell the world how awesome the Lord is.

"...we will be Your hands we will be Your feet
we will run this race for the least of these
in the darkest place we will be Your light..."

Currently Listening The I Heart Revolution: With Hearts as One By Hillsong United Love Enough see related

love enough
Your Love's enough to see the broken hearts
Gain a brand new start with a brand new heart
As the faithful hope in things unseen
You’re enough to see all the things they dream
Come to life

We're living in the Saviour today
And this day is what we have now
In this moment we have chosen to praise
And it's changing how we live now

Your Love it broke my fall
It’s more than enough and I need it
'Cause I've never known better
And I'll never know better

This Love will see me soar
It's more than enough and I need it
'Cause I've never known better
And I'll never know better

Your Love's enough to see the humbled man
Find the cause of Christ
With his outstretched hands
As the cripple grabs his mat to walk
You’re enough to save him from the pain he bore

My Saviour
You’ll never let me go
My life is now secure

My Saviour
You’ll never let me go
And in Your hands my future's brighter

Last Sunday I went to Mass at a friend's house.  During the homily, the priest mentioned Eucharistic Adoration.  He told us that whether we realize it or not, each time we spend time with Jesus in Adoration we are changed.  I felt like those words were branded into my conscience when I heard them.  So I decided to chill with Jesus at St. Francis on my way home tonight.  I wanted to see Him.  I wanted to be changed through Him.

I took a seat and started to think about my own inner storms and the thoughts about my past relationships with women and various moments of rejection and disappointment.  I addressed a lot of wants that I've battled and the emotions I often face, but seemed to forget how to manage and be patient about.  Thinking about relationships tires me out, and builds up too much frustration, fear and resentment... and it shouldn't be like that if I've truly forgiven, and accepted.  I asked the Lord to help me understand why the thought of relationships triggers all this negative emotion. 

"What am I holding onto and what is holding me back?  Where do I need healing?  Where do I need to endure?"

Then the Spirit guided my eyes to focus on the Crucifix.  I started to feel,

"... Love...
Jesus lived and died for ALL because He loves ALL... 
even though many didn't love Him back... even though many reject Him...
He died for ALL even those that may not love Him back..."

I realized that the Lord loves us more than anyone else ever could, but has been rejected billions-of-times worse that any of us have ever been.  Jesus knows the hurts we've all gone through, but through the pain He shows us what true love really is. 

How many of us would die for those who refuse to love us back? 

Lord, Your heart was broken by millions, but You were still able to live again. 

When I see my own crosses, You teach me the Love it takes to carry them.
No matter how much a cross hurts, with You I'll always rise from it.

What do I hope and dream for?

Who do You want me to be?

What do I have to let go of?

Something I encounter everyday at work are questions about my future.  Each day since I started my new job, I've met someone new, and they always ask me, "Oh, are you in school?  Are you planning on doing something else other than phlebotomy?  What aboutin the future?"  Then they continue by telling me, "Oh, 24?  You're still young!  Have you tought about being a nurse?"  Then the conversation echoes in my head; until it repeats with another new face. 

Through the echoes I think about everything, except a better answer to their questions, other than, "Hmm... I don't know, maybe in the future..." meanwhile, I'm not interested in doing the work of a nurse.  I don't exactly know what I want to do in the future.

I like where I am, but I feel like people talk about healthcare professions as if there's this "hospital personel food chain," with the doctors at the top, then nurses in the middle, and all of techs at the bottom.

It's not about the money, but I'd like to be prepared for the future.  A priest recently asked me, "Are you afraid to grow up?"  He was referring to my lack of desire to act towards my future.  He was delving into my tendency to shy away from meeting and discerning women for marriage, if that's what I really and truly want.  He likened it to how I brush off and hold myself back from any plans or thought into a greater future profession.  "Is it because you are afraid to move on?"

I concluded that this priest was urging me to stop being idle and seek and find where God is calling me, instead of waiting for things to fall into my lap all the time.

I don't think I'm afraid to move on... I'm afraid of being wrong.  I tend to be perfectionistic- a trait that is slowly getting stripped away from me.  It's lingering remnants still try to affect me, but faith... faith calls me to move without doubt.  I want to know where Faith, Hope and Love guide my life.  I want to see the Lord in what I'm called to do.  I don't know my future, but I know God has one for me; not one that will fall in my lap, but for me to find.

I trust in You alone, Lord.